Fatguy Food Blog Audition Review
Pumpkin Spice Milano Cookies

I'm auditioning to be a be a food blogger at Fatguy Food Blog. This is my audition review...

I consider myself (myself… self… elf.. f..) to be the Modern Day Renaissance Man. When I’m not doing Project Management for an eDiscovery company, I’m blogging about parenting (LittleReadFatherhood.com), writing science fiction children’s books (Go buy Starflyer John JacksonBUY ME!) and officiating weddings (TheNYWeddingOfficiant.com). I’m also an avid reader of food blogs. I read everything from local NYC lunch blogs to classy Martha Stewart type stuff. My favorite food blogs, admittedly, are the ones that discuss and review junk food and fast food. This eventually lead me to the Fatguy Food Blog.

Last week the call went out, and the Fatguys were looking for food bloggers. I’ve blogged about parenting and other stuff, I have a decent sense of humor, I’m an above average writer (if I do say so myself) and I liked the site. Well, if I was looking for another feather in my cap, what better feather than one covered in bacon! The only problem… I didn’t have a food review to show them. That. Ends. Today!

Without further adieu, I give you my Fatguy Food Blog Audition Review – Pumpkin Spice Milano Cookies.

It’s Fall. Well, not really. Hell, it’s not ever Labor Day for goodness sakes. But as we progress as a people, the seasonal items start earlier and earlier. I have to assume that eventually the seasonal items will be so early, they will actually sync up with the proper season. Okay, I guess I can’t be too critical. I truthfully have NO idea when these cookies came out. I was wondering the local CVS on my lunch break and stumbled on these. And, let’s be honest, today is September.


Okay, enough about early seasonal items. Let’s get to the reason you all ultimately came here today. How does it taste? Well, okay, let’s start with the package itself. I see colored leaves. I see fall hues of yellow and orange. I see some cinnamon sticks. Oh, what’s that peaking in from behind? Is that? Is that a pumpkin?

Let’s recap: Fall. Milano Cookies. Cinnamon. Pumpkin. We have hit all the important motifs for a pumpkin spice flavored item. But what’s really inside?


Hmmmmmmmmm… I’m not seeing any pumpkin, which is no surprise. Most times these types of foods are more pumpkin spice, than say, pumpkin pie, and to Pepperidge Farm’s credit, they do say it is a “pumpkin spice flavored” cookie. Let’s continue along; sugar, milk chocolate, eggs, salt, natural flavoring… That’s it! No cinnamon! No ginger! No nutmeg! No cloves! No allspice! I guess those things could be in “natural flavors” but even then it’s only “2 percent or less!”

Already I don’t have high hopes. Don’t get me wrong. I love a Milano cookie. Who doesn’t? But there is nothing like bad pumpkin spice to ruin a product. Okay, let’s open this bag up and see what’s what.

Kind of looks like the elevator in Die Hard, doesn’t it?


I close my eyes and take a big sniff and smell… ummm… Milanos? Did someone pack this bag near a pumpkin spice scented candle or something? There is the slightest, and I mean slightest hint of pumpkin spice. It’s so slight, I can barely pick it up. Could be cinnamon. Maybe some ginger? Allspice, maybe? Potentially even some actual pumpkin? I definitely smell Milano. Maybe that’s the clever ruse that Pepperidge Farm has pulled over us all. Make the pumpkin spice so faint, that everyone will smell what they want. Kind of like a Rorschach Test for your nose.

I pull one out of the bag and give it a look. Like all things pumpkin, the cookies have an odd, orange-colored creme in them. It kind of oozes out the side of the cookie, making these cookies look like a bad clam.


I tried to pry one apart to get a look inside and found it to be much more difficult than pulling apart a Oreo. But I got some of the top cookie off. The creme is a very thin spread of orange that has the consistency of cake frosting.


Enough screwing around! Time to eat these warlocks.


These won’t win any prizes. Truthfully, it kind of tasted like I ate a Milano cookie after eating something pumpkin flavored. I almost imagine the people at Pepperidge Farm making these cookies much in the way Churchill was said to make a martini – ice-cold gin and a bow in the direction of France. These are Milano cookies taste like they were made with a pumpkin in the room. In the end, it’s a Milano cookie with a hint of pumpkin spice. It’s not offensive, and truthfully, the more I eat them, the better they seem. Once again, all part of the Pepperidge Farm Master Plan…